“I think that while all mothers deal with guilt, working mothers are plagued by guilt on steroids.” Arianna Huffington
Whether you’re going back to work after maternity leave or after staying home for a longer period, many of the emotions overlap: guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, and the struggle to adjust. My own experience wasn’t right after maternity leave, but the challenges I faced were very similar to what many moms go through during that transition.
I stayed home with my daughter for three years, during which I worked part-time, teaching a three-hour class once a week. I was incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be home with her during that time. For me, it was the perfect balance.
Eventually, I began exploring ways to transition into a new career field and outside of the classroom. I felt excited about the possibility of a fresh start. When the time came, I was hired and told that my first day of work would be in three weeks.
My daughter was on the waitlist for a nearby daycare. She was two years old at the time, and since she would be turning three in March, I felt it was a good age for her to start. Still, as I walked her to school, her small backpack bouncing on her back, I couldn’t shake the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and fear.
Will she like it? Will she cry? Will she think I am abandoning her?
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Truths About Going Back to Work
A systematic literature review on returning to work after maternity leave highlights common challenges women face, including balancing work and family responsibilities, managing emotional stress, and navigating workplace expectations. This research supports the experiences many mothers share about the ups and downs of going back to work.
Mom Guilt
On the first day of daycare, my daughter was smiling because she did not know what to expect or that I was going to leave her there alone. Then, reality set in.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and started to hug me. She cried and begged to not leave her there. Every day it was the same. She would cry every night before going to bed and every morning before going to school because she felt scared.
I started to feel guilt. I didn’t want my daughter to suffer, what parent does? I questioned my decision to return to work instead of staying home with her for one more year. Still, I reminded myself to be grateful for all the time I did have caring for her at home.
I can’t imagine how other mothers feel when they have to leave their 2- to 3-month-old babies at daycare. I would never judge them. Many of these moms have no other choice.
Even though my daughter was older, the guilt hit just as hard and I realized many moms going back to work after maternity leave feel that same crushing weight.
What’s even harder is that, instead of receiving support, we’re often judged. Society makes us feel like bad parents for choosing daycare or pursuing our career goals. The pressure on working mothers is real.
Separation Anxiety
Children aren’t the only ones who experience separation anxiety. Whether your baby is a few months old or a few years old, that moment of separation can feel like your heart is being pulled in two directions.
For many new mothers returning to work, leaving their child in the care of strangers being 8 or 9 hours away, not knowing what’s happening or how their baby is feeling can be incredibly difficult.
Just the thought of putting my newborn in daycare gave me anxiety. That’s why I chose to keep her home after she was born. When I finally felt it was time, at 2 years old, that separation anxiety was still very real. And once you add work responsibilities to the mix, the stress only intensifies.
I had to learn how to manage my anxiety as a working mom and to be honest, I’m still learning.
But if you’re in that place right now, I want you to know it gets better when you have the right support and a healthy environment.
Feeling Overwhelmed
When starting a new job, you have to learn so much, even more if it is in a new career field. The first months were extremely stressful for me. I was feeling overwhelmed and rethought if I had made the right decision.
After having worked for one year at the first job outside education, I knew I had made a good choice taking the job. I learned many new skills that would open the door to new opportunities.
Every job comes with its own responsibilities and a learning curve, and the idea of “new” can feel intimidating. Remember, change is hard and adapting takes time. It may feel like you’re drowning at first, but you need to find ways that help you succeed in your new job. Rise up, breathe, and keep going.
But if the work environment is toxic or you’re consistently disrespected, especially in ways that start to affect your mental or physical health, it’s completely reasonable to consider looking for a healthier place to work.
Lack of Time
One thing that I experienced, and I imagine many of you too is the lack of time. It is like you suddenly do not have time to breathe. It can become exhausting.
When will I have time to work out? When will I have time to watch a television show? When will I have time to rest?
The lack of time is also combined with the feeling of missing out. Have you felt like you’re missing out? I know I have.
I miss the day trips my daughter and I would take or the events we could attend. I loved going to the library with her or going to any place during the week without the stress of having to think about work.
Feeling Like a Failure
Other feelings that can arise are feelings of failure because you want to be able to do it all. Then you realize that it is too hard and too tiresome. If you feel this way now, do not feel bad. You are trying your best and know that there are many other working moms feeling the same.
As humans we are going to have good days and bad days, and we can do so much. We can try our best to succeed, but it will definitely be a zigzag path of ups and downs.
The reality is that most households with working parents are chaotic in nature. It will never be the same as before having children and having to work.
This is a change that requires adaptation, and it takes time. You have to learn to accept the new reality and look for what is working and what is not and how it can be improved.
Lack of Workplace Support
How is the workplace really supporting working mothers? The truth is that many companies simply don’t. One of the first challenges that comes to mind is breastfeeding. I breastfed for three years while staying at home, and it was hard.
I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I had needed to return to work, having to pump at specific times, managing late-night feedings, and then still showing up for a full day of work.
Thankfully, by the time I started my full-time job, I was no longer breastfeeding. But many mothers aren’t that lucky. They are going back to work after maternity leave to jobs that don’t offer even the most basic accommodations like scheduled pumping breaks or private, clean spaces to do so.
Another major challenge is how often working moms have to miss work because their child is sick. This happens a lot.
I was fortunate to work from home during my daughter’s baby and toddler years, so I could handle those emergencies without needing to call out. But even then, it was exhausting.
And the reality is, almost every time my daughter got sick, I got sick too. I often worked with no energy, just trying to push through. Even with PTO, it was never enough to cover my daughter’s sick days, my own recovery, and still have time left for a real vacation.
I’ve heard so many heartbreaking stories of moms who work outside the home and end up being penalized, put on probation or even fired, for needing too many days off.
There just isn’t enough support for working parents. And that needs to change.
Final Thoughts
Going back to work after maternity leave, or after spending years at home, comes with a mix of excitement, fear, and huge adjustments.
There will exist many changes and adaptations. There are many other women that are struggling daily and that are in need of support. Connect with other working mothers and create a support group. It is good to see how other women handle similar situations and you can receive great advice.
Best wishes,
Mel
Reference
Franzoi, I.G., Sauta, M.D., De Luca, A. et al. Returning to work after maternity leave: a systematic literature review. Arch Womens Ment Health 27, 737–749 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-024-01464-y
